


Sticks and Stones (And the Pros of Conversation)

by Lidsworth



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Discrimination against ghouls, M/M, Please read, Secret Messages, Transphobia, family unit, hate against ghouls, long author's note, over protective Shirazu, quinx squad - Freeform, slight racism, universal messages
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-29
Updated: 2014-12-29
Packaged: 2018-03-04 05:34:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2954138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lidsworth/pseuds/Lidsworth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mutsuki was an idiot for thinking that he could escape transphobia while working in the CCG, in fact, it seemed like it got worse there. Unfortunately, he mistakes communication for selfishness, and help for weakness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sticks and Stones (And the Pros of Conversation)

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I can always see Mutsuki being one to keep things to himself, no matter what it is, or how bad it gets because he doesn't want to burden anyone else. That's just his character, someone who is always wanting to help others, but not himself, or keep silent for the benefit of the group. Be it about discrimination of any sort, or the weakness he feels, i'm sure he'd just keep it to himself (which obviously he does), it's kinda sad. 
> 
> As always, this is beta'd by me. Read the end note, it ties in with the story. Enjoy!

OOO  
He was always alone when it happened. 

The abuse started with occasional slurs in the lunchroom, or insults regarding his gender in the copy room or the office room. Mutsuki learned to ignore them, mostly. It wasn't anything he hadn't encountered outside of the CCG (though he honestly believed that the workers here would be a lot more mature about something like this), something that he knew he'd have to get used to. 

His father wasn't there to tell him to be who he wanted to be anymore, his mother wasn't there to hold his hand and praise him for his choices. It was just Mutsuki by himself. 

“Have you gotten your head out of the clouds yet, or are you still confused?” An investigator said once, as he brushed past the dark skinned boy, “Because last I checked, girls had breast...but wait, only humans have people parts...so I guess you really are confused” 

His father taught him to drown out insults no matter the weight they held, he always said that fighting back would only result in a more problematic situation. 

Often times his parents had said to him, Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words won't bother me, though sometimes their words felt like bullets being shot through his skull, and his hands weren't strong enough to keep them out of his ears.

He remembered once when he was forced to hold a seat for Haise in the lunchroom (which he hated more than anything, but Haise hadn't known that then), people began talking. About him. 

“Hey, its that weird member from the Freak squad. Is that a him or a her?” He once heard someone whisper to their partner, as they walked into the cafeteria, caring their briefcases.   
“Who cares, it's not even a person....” 

Sticks and stones...He told himself over and over again, as he grabbed at the bottom of his shirt and scrunched up the fabric in his sweaty palms, stick and stones...

“Sorry about that Mutsuki!” It was Haise, who nervously rubbed the back of his head. He took a seat beside Mutski, and slid the tray in front of him, “Enjoy!”   
“Shirazu couldn't decide what he wanted,” came Urie, who took a seat across from Haise and Mutsuki, looking so very uninterested, “and somehow managed to get in an argument with the lunch ladies.”   
“Don't blame me!” Shouted Shirazu, loud enough to irritate Mutsuki's ears, “They were being stingy first! And plus, I was just trying to get the right chips for Saiko!”   
“If Saiko wants chips, she can get them herself,” Urie snapped, “We shouldn’t have to work for her.” 

“Shirazu is just being nice,” Haise held his hands up in defense, “Let's be nice everybody, and eat.” 

Mutsuki looked slightly uninterested in his food, and to that, Haise took immediate notice. He was always noticing things like that. 

“Are you alright Mutsuki, you don't look well,” Haise commented on his friend's features, “Did som-”   
“It's nothing, Sasaki-san!” Mutsuki spoke rather quickly, attempting to avert Sasaki's attention, “I just didn't sleep well.” 

Haise tilted his head, still somewhat concerned. His eye brows knitted in a frustrated manor, as if he were attempting to deduce Mutsuki's problems from his face. 

“You know you can talk to me if you need to, right? I'm always here for you,” Sasaki said rather quietly, so that the others couldn't hear over their arguments.” 

Mutsuki considered telling Sasaki about the verbal harassment he'd been facing, but grabbed at the fabric of his shirt tighter. What could Sasaki even do? They were already facing discrimination because they were no longer human...it would be selfish to complain now. 

“Yeah, thanks Sasaki!” Mutsuki forced himself to smile, “But it's alright.” 

Slowly, his mentor brought a hand to his chin, and brushed the skin with two fingers, and his eyebrows knitted even more, “Okay.”   
oooo   
He spent the rest of the day in Saiko's room, as she'd invited him to play games all night. She was a pro, he was an armature, but even losing badly to her made him forget the insults that had been hurled at him earlier that day. 

Though he was lagging a lot, more than usual. 

“Muuchan! What's wrong with you,” Saiko hit him on the shoulder with her elbow, “At least try to win!” 

They were racing “cars” this time, cars that had no business shooting fire at one another, or shooting arrows at one another. Nevertheless, Mutsuki was destroyed by Saiko. 

“Usually it takes you five minutes to die, this time it was just one,” Saiko paused the game, and turned towards her friend, “What's up.”   
Mutsuki was appalled by the sudden seriousness and concern that Saiko imitated when she felt like it, and supposed that if she showed this attitude in general, she'd be trailing on a lot more missions.   
Mutsuki sighed, “It's nothing,” he lied again, “nothing.” 

Saiko fell back, kicking her bare legs in the air, “It's not like I haven't heard that before.” Mutsuki grumbled and released his control, “It's just....just people and their words....” 

He didn't feel like boring her....not in the least. It wasn’t like she could change anything. She wasn't having it easy either, everyone liked to talk about her laziness and eating habits (Hell, he didn't even know how much she weighed), she had her own problems. 

“Like what?” Saiko inquired, “you can tell me!”   
Mutsuki shook his head, grabbing at the control, “It's nothing Saiko, really, it isn't.” 

Saiko looked like she didn't believe him at all, “Are you sure Mucchan? Is there something you're not telling me!” 

“Of course not Saiko, though you should get you control,” mused Mutsuki, “You're about to lose!”   
“Hey!” Saiko jumped up, and grabbed her control, “No fair!”   
ooo 

He didn't feel like he really needed to tell his squad of the verbal harassment. They were dealing with their own problems, each and everyone. It seemed almost selfish....  
besides, he could get through it by himself, Mutsuki was certain of it. 

Sticks and stones, he repeated to himself, sticks and stones.   
Ooo  
He woke with a jolt that night, and a worried Saiko above him. There was a draft that brushed up against his skin, a draft that he hadn't felt before. 

It was then that he realized that his shirt had been open, and his brace had been exposed. 

“Sai-”   
“What are you doing? Sleeping in your binder!?” She sounded concerned, “You never forget to take it off!” Mutsuki realized that he'd fallen asleep on Saiko's bed. In fact, they both fell asleep on her bed. Mutsuki sat up, rubbing his head, “Sorry” he had no idea why he was apologizing to her, “I've had a lot on my mind.” 

“If it's messing up your health, maybe we should talk about it! Hey, we could ask Saasan to make things easier-” 

“No!” He raised his voice slightly. He was already the weakest in the team, he didn't need anyone breaking their backs for him, least of all, not Sasaki. 

“It's fine.”   
Saiko looked at him sadly, “Are you sure?”   
Mutsuki sighed, “yeah, I’m sure.”   
ooo   
He needed to start staying true to the buddy system, especially after the brace incident. It scared him, knowing that he'd been too stressed out and bothered by what people were saying about him to worry about his own personal care. He'd heard terrifying stories of suffocation while sleeping with a brace. 

He'd never once neglected to take it off, never. Maybe Saiko was right, maybe he needed to talk about what was going on. But what on earth would he say? How would he say it? 

The thought of complaining made him feel worse than he already did. What could Sasaki do? What position would he be putting his mentor in? 

No, just keep it to yourself, his internal Mutsuki screamed, they're just words. They don't hurt. 

But words usually paved way for pain, physical pain.   
Ooo  
It seemed as if they'd been in that meeting room for over a hundred years, reevaluating evidence, re-working the same endless case, etc. They passed around bottles of water for both refreshments and distraction, as nothing had progressed in the last hour. 

Mutsuki drank a lot, Shirazu drank even more, Urie drank one bottle, and Haise stared at his. Needless to say, Mutsuki excused himself, and left for the restroom shortly after Shirazu promised he'd be back (that was a while ago), so after excusing himself, the green haired boy left. 

After the binder incident, Saiko had forbidden Mutsuki from wearing his standard chest binder.   
“It's not healthy to wear it anymore, it's too tight, just wear one the ones I use when I copslay,” and she presented him with a rather flimsy piece of fabric. At least her intentions were good at heart, though it wasn't helping him at the moment. 

He had to wear his shirt lose and his coat buttoned up, as the chest bind wasn't doing an amazing job at keeping his breast in.

Walking to the men's restroom, he pulled his jacket tightly around him, almost in an insecure fashion. He hated to be doing it, but he couldn't stand the feel of Saiko's chest bind around his chest, and most likely needed to adjust it before it fell off. 

Plus, he needed to pee, badly.   
ooo

After he finished his business, he looked at himself in the mirror. He'd worked on the chest binder (if you could even call it that), and prepared to leave. Though, he just wanted to make sure he looked the least bit interested in the meeting. 

It was then, however, that two dark clad investigators walked in the restroom. 

The eye patched ghoul paid them no mind, only worked to rub the bags from under his eyes, and make himself look somewhat presentable. He figured that the two men were here to use the restroom and get out, only, they didn't stop at the urinals. 

“Girls aren't supposed to be using the mens restroom...but you're not even human” came one of them, a slightly younger looking individual, who smirked at him wryly, “I think you got lost.” 

Sticks and stones, sticks and stones, 

“I-I think you're mistaken,” Mutsuki spoke up, “I'm in the right restroom.”   
“Come on! You don't even have a dick, ” came the other one, who was a little older, “but if you want to be treated like a boy, we can do that.” 

Mutsuki didn't have a chance to escape, before he was roughly grabbed by the arms, and shoved on the wall. He tried his best to wriggle out of their grasps, but he wasn't strong enough. 

“The guys restroom is for human males. You're neither. But hey, if you're a man, take it like one!”   
The punch came with a defining crunch in his insides, though lucky for him, his regeneration started (though it was incredibly slow). One held while the other punched, and all the while, Mutsuki fought to control his rage. 

He wished more than anything that he could be strong like the others, that he could fight like the others. Biting at his lip, he tried to muffle the sobs that were fighting to escape from his mouth. This was embarrassing and degrading. 

He wanted to cry, he wanted to cry badly, but he figured that his tear ducts had been dried up ever since the day his family was stolen from him. 

Sticks and stones, he repeated, through a shaky conscience, sticks and stones...

“What the fuck are you two doing?” Bright orange hair peeped from the stall, and dark eyes narrowed intently at the trio, “get the hell away from him.” 

“Look, it's another frea-” 

He moved with such speed and acuteness, that Mutsuki hadn't even seen him lodge his jaw into his assaulter mouth until the man was sprawled on the restroom floor, bleeding out of his nose. The other tried to attack, but Shirazu was on his tail faster than he could count. 

“Mutsuki, are you okay?” He asked quickly, looking at his injured friend, “Come on, let's get out of here!”   
ooo   
There was a silence at the Quinx table that night, and for the first time in ages, everyone attended dinner. Though no one was really eating, they all just looked at the food in front of him (which Haise had accidentally burned to a crisps). 

It was Haise who broke the silence with a sigh. 

“Mutsuki...if people are messing with you, you should tell us,” Sasaki began, “Even if you're afraid to-”   
“Yeah! We can totally help next time!” Shirazu commented, as he stood in his seat, “You shouldn’t have to deal with this shit alone!” 

Sasaki cleared his throat. 

“Sorry Saasan! I just get really upset when people mess with my friends,” he quieted down a little bit, though Mutsuki fought the urge to give him a huge hug. 

“Luckily, those guys were punished for what they did, but they wanted to pin it on you guys, because you're 'stronger'” Sasaki continued, “But let's talk next time, so it won't get this bad anymore.” 

“Yeah, you shouldn’t have to hide who you are,” It was Saiko who chimed in this time, “no one should have to make you feel ashamed for who you are!”   
“Yeah,” Shirazu added.   
Haise smiled, just happy that the majority of his team was contributing to Mutsuki's self esteem. 

Mutsuki sighed and began to scrunch his shirt up once again, “It's just...it's just that we have so much to deal with...my problems seems so little in comparison to everything we already have to face.”   
“Transhphobia isn't a “little” problem,” Saiko cut to the chase, “it's a really big issue.”   
“I-it just that most of the times, it's just words, and-”   
“If things were just words, than music wouldn't be relevant to us today,” Urie decided to break out of his shell, “Just words can go a long way.” 

Haise seemed somewhat pleased with Urie's analogy, “Thank you Urie.”   
The dark haired boy simply closed his eyes, and nodded. 

Mutsuki fought back tears,”T-thank you everyone for caring about me so much, I'm glad i've got understanding friends like you.” 

It wasn't just transphobia he was dealing with though, it was discrimination against their race that they were all being forced to go through. They were just ghouls to the CCG. He wondered if he wasn't a ghoul, if he'd be treated better...

“Okay, new rule,” Sasaki put his hands on the table, “Every weekend, we need to talk about our lives. I don't care what it is, but if we have to get personal, then so be it. But we need to be in touch with each other.” 

It was Shirazu who jumped up first. 

“Awesome Saasan! That way we can all keep tabs on each other!” 

Haise nodded, seeming rather proud of himself, “This way, we'll know what's bothering everyone.” Saiko smiled, “Can we chose to bring our own food, I don't think I can survive off of this burnt stuff.”   
“We can't all survive off of fattening potato chips,” Shirazu snapped back, “and besides, Saasan tried his best!”   
“My chips aren't fattening, that's a common stereotype that all potato chips face,” replied Saiko smartly, “In fact, they're fat free.”   
“If they're fat free, than how come you're always scratching our your weight when we get our reports?!” 

An argument ensued of course, and suddenly, Sasaki's nicely burnt dinner was tossed around the kitchen, like bullets from a gun. It was he and Mutsuki who cleaned up the mess at the end of it all. 

“Hey, I’m really serious, tell me when this happens again,” Sasaki repeated, as he washed the dishes, “No one should have to go through that....” It almost sounded as if Sasaki was speaking from experience, and being the leader of the quinx squad, Mutsuki was certain that he was.   
Mutsuki smiled, and took one of the wet plates in his hands, “Yeah, thanks Sasaki-san,” he muttered, “I mean it.” 

Haise smiled, “No problem...i know it sounds weird, but you remind me of myself, or what I remember from it...haha. Either way, I like you how you are.” 

Mutsuki smiled, “Thank you, Sasaki...and if you ever want to talk, I'm here too. I-i know people are really hard on you because of what you are.” 

Sasaki didn't say anything, but he didn't have to. Mutsuki already knew that he was grateful. Discrimination was something they all had to deal with, be it because of identity or race. Hopefully, they'd managed to all get through it together. 

The two continued cleaning the kitchen.

**Author's Note:**

> I know a lot of people will say that guys don't spend nearly as long as girls in the restroom, but I know some guys who like to freshen themselves up. I almost peed on myself in class once waiting for a guy, because we have the one person at a time rule.  
> If you think Mutsuki was taken down too easily, this can happen to anyone who's taken by surprise. Trust me.   
> And believe it or not, people do randomly beat up others for being trans, so it's not just a random thing I added. Same for being gay, or same for being that “weird kid” in the class, or just being different. People will find the strangest reasons to hurt or bully someone. I was teased when I was younger because I “talked white” and I'm black.   
> It was a very sad and trying time. Even now I'm told that “i'm not black enough” or things like that, and i'm 18. i've even been trailed in stores by cops because my hands were in my pocket (I wasn't stealing anything), and I've been warned never to put my hands in my pocket, and never to run at night, or walk with a hood on. 
> 
> SO obviously, I implied some racism in this story, because I know how it feels, and disliking the Quinx for what they are, despite the good they're doing is just racist. Obviously, the Quinx aren't the dangerous ghouls they fight, hell, they're not even as strong as the ghouls they fight. Though I wonder, what's the point of their squad, and why was their creation over pursued? Maybe after the battle of the 20th ward, they lost so badly that they needed to step their game up? 
> 
> Bullying and discrimination never goes away, sadly. It's just something we have to live with, unfortunately. I think though, the best combat for it, is talking about the negatives in our society. True, they won't go away, but talking about them to our friends, and families usually alleviate a lot of the pain we feel. While Mutsuki's situation wasn't 100% resolved, the solution was speaking, and speaking goes a long way. I find in my life, that speaking, or typing or writing is an excellent way to cope with what i'm feeling, or occasionally, what others are feeling, and what they want me to write about (go check my DA, i'll write anything for you). 
> 
> I wanted to incorporate Urie in here, somehow, as a good, positive influence, but really, what does he do other than mope around. The music bit was all I could think about. Because even as a little girl, I was taught the “Sticks and stones” thing, but truth is, words sometimes hurt worse than actual fists. You can heal bruises, but not egos all the time. 
> 
> Back to Urie, I get sad whenever I see him! Like there's really nothing good that comes from him.   
> Maybe i'm just seriously judging his character, but he reminds me of a Debby Downer. Like I want to see more of Urie in a good light. If anything, he reminds me of Sasuke Uchiha, possibly one of the worst anime/manga characters of all history. Is anyone else waiting for him to join the dark side? 
> 
> And I enjoy the puns Ishida uses with Saiko. 
> 
> To sum it all up, I think that towards the end, it's not just racism, or transphobia, or homophobia or anything like that, it's just plain bullying. Which is so immature. They often say bullies are a result of their past, though I believe sometimes people hate without seaking to understand.   
> Also, i'm just slapping this as a slight ShirazuxMutsuki fic, because as far as yaoi, they're the only two guys I pair together in the quinx squad. Haise will always belong to Hide, and Urie...you already know my thoughts on him, he'll be forever alone if he continues like that.   
> But I really like Shirazu, I think everyone does. He's cool.   
> Anyway, back to Punpun I guess (i'm still trying to figure out why he's a traingle). 
> 
> As always, I hope you enjoyed it, have a wonderful week, and God bless.


End file.
